"Whats that smell?" I asked Kristine when we arrived in Hanoi.
"Its the smell of Vietnam" she answered.
"o_O"
As soon as she said that a million more question came into my head. "Can I really do this?" "Will I get homesick" "What did I get myself into? "Why is it so damn hot?!" These questions were answered as I familiarized myself with the streets of Hanoi, made sure to webcam my parents every week and slathered on hella sunblock.
Less than 10 days left in the program, it really feels as if I had just gotten out of the airport blinked and here I am writing my last blog. What happened? I can't even start to comprehend the last 4 months. My brain wants to melt out of my head and onto the floor because it is just in awe "did i really experience all this in 4 months?" Laughing in the early morning with my roommates to staying out late at night almost until the shops open again, what can i make use of these 4 months? Living 21 years of my life in America, how does a period of 4 months stand up to anything? I feel like its a dream and now its time for me to wake up. When will I see my project group again? When's the next Kiem An interivew? When's the next bia hoi dinner? When will be the next time EAP will be together again? What scares and saddens me the most is that I already know the answers to these questions, I'm just too afraid to admit it out loud. I can't return to this as easily as I want to.
What troubles me is that this experience was like me going full force in everything but I feel unable to grasp onto anything. I'm not done yet, I can't leave now! Can I cut out Hanoi and implant it in my backyard please? Returning back to the states I'll have to eat indoors, pay for expensive beer, and remain within the lanes. How do I take Vietnam back with me? A bunch of souvenirs? What I can take back is the memories and experiences with my friends, HANU and EAP. I've met some of the kindest, warmest, quirkiest, beautiful people here. Coming back to America, I know that I will forever continue sharing with my fellow EAPers and friends back at home.
I've given my whole heart to this program and Vietnam opened its arms graciously to me. It taught me things I never knew, allow me to reconnect with my family, challenged me, made me check my privileges, and in the end helped me find myself.
I will miss most the conversations, the laughs, the random spurts of "holy shit i'm in vietnam," and the beautiful faces.
Thank you
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Southern Trip, Reflections on Family
The trip to the south had a different feel to me. Gerard left half through the trip :( so a lot of the activities we did on our own.
When we were in Saigon, I did get a chance to meet up with my family. Before coming to Vietnam, everyone, including myself, was extremely excited to meet their family, and a couple of the EAPers were able to. When Irene or Lan came back from their Hue telling us about the stories their relatives told them, or just their interactions with them I couldn't help but be jealous. I couldn't wait to my relatives. Upon arriving to Saigon, my mom called me instructing me to call my uncle. I did so and at 4pm I left to go visit my Uncle his mom and the rest of the family.
It's strange that even though I've never met them in my life (well apparently I did but i can't remember) I was so comfortable like it was at though I was back at home. As I entered the house and I saw my grandfather's family portrait (a picture of each of the 9 brothers and sisters) I immediately started crying. I could see my uncle and aunt out of the corner of my eye going "what the hell is wrong with this girl" but in my mind this was a step closer to understating my family and myself, something that in the states I had ignored for so many years of my life.
A funny moment was when I met my grandpa older brother who was blind. Nervously I approached him and he pulls me over and says, "why the hell did you have to wait until i was blind before you came to vietnam? how am i supposed to know what you look like" Crying and laughing at the same time, I didn't know what to do but continue crying out of happiness and joy. Again my relatives looked at me thinking, "what are we supposed to do with this girl?" haha
We were in Saigon for 3 full days and everyday I went to visit them. On the last night, my uncle treated me and a few friends to probably the best dinner I've had in Vietnam. Overall, Im truly touched by the power of family. Being welcomed so quickly by everyone in Saigon was such a beautiful feeling this warm fuzzy feeling.
Also, I was able to meet a lot of my mom's and aunt's old friends. They told me little fun stories of how my mom used to skip school or how they would love going shopping in the Ben Thanh Market. I thought about my mom's journey to America and leaving all that she loved behind, all that she was used to. Coming to America, unable to speak english, working 7-7 barely able to see her daughters before they went to sleep, I wonder if she longed to be back in Saigon. What if I were raised in Saigon in Vietnam? The strength my mother has in her heart is something that I wish I had.
Visiting my family in Saigon was something that I knew I needed to do, but did not realize the extent of how I would be affected by it. Isn't it strange that it is when I am the furthest away from my parents is when I feel closest to them?
When we were in Saigon, I did get a chance to meet up with my family. Before coming to Vietnam, everyone, including myself, was extremely excited to meet their family, and a couple of the EAPers were able to. When Irene or Lan came back from their Hue telling us about the stories their relatives told them, or just their interactions with them I couldn't help but be jealous. I couldn't wait to my relatives. Upon arriving to Saigon, my mom called me instructing me to call my uncle. I did so and at 4pm I left to go visit my Uncle his mom and the rest of the family.
It's strange that even though I've never met them in my life (well apparently I did but i can't remember) I was so comfortable like it was at though I was back at home. As I entered the house and I saw my grandfather's family portrait (a picture of each of the 9 brothers and sisters) I immediately started crying. I could see my uncle and aunt out of the corner of my eye going "what the hell is wrong with this girl" but in my mind this was a step closer to understating my family and myself, something that in the states I had ignored for so many years of my life.
A funny moment was when I met my grandpa older brother who was blind. Nervously I approached him and he pulls me over and says, "why the hell did you have to wait until i was blind before you came to vietnam? how am i supposed to know what you look like" Crying and laughing at the same time, I didn't know what to do but continue crying out of happiness and joy. Again my relatives looked at me thinking, "what are we supposed to do with this girl?" haha
We were in Saigon for 3 full days and everyday I went to visit them. On the last night, my uncle treated me and a few friends to probably the best dinner I've had in Vietnam. Overall, Im truly touched by the power of family. Being welcomed so quickly by everyone in Saigon was such a beautiful feeling this warm fuzzy feeling.
Also, I was able to meet a lot of my mom's and aunt's old friends. They told me little fun stories of how my mom used to skip school or how they would love going shopping in the Ben Thanh Market. I thought about my mom's journey to America and leaving all that she loved behind, all that she was used to. Coming to America, unable to speak english, working 7-7 barely able to see her daughters before they went to sleep, I wonder if she longed to be back in Saigon. What if I were raised in Saigon in Vietnam? The strength my mother has in her heart is something that I wish I had.
Visiting my family in Saigon was something that I knew I needed to do, but did not realize the extent of how I would be affected by it. Isn't it strange that it is when I am the furthest away from my parents is when I feel closest to them?
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Team Work!
Ever since I was young, I hated group work mainly because I was always the one who ended up doing most of the work. Either my group mates were unable to do their part or I was unsatisfied with their work so I ended up doing the entire thing, most of the time it was the latter statement.
However! Team Vai Chuong (don't even know if i'm spelling my team name right) has been hands down FREAKING AMAZING. I'm so glad to be grouped with such supportive and thoughtful teammates. I feel that with our group, we make sure that we're first having fun before we get our work done, therefore we're a lot more relaxed when we go about with serious matters. While some interviews we conduct alone, we all try to present in as many of them as we can. When we do translations, we are together making sure that the translation is correct. There has never been a problem regarding whether or not someone has done more work then the other. This is the first group that I've been in where we have all done the same amount of AWESOME work (or so I think :P).
If all groups were like this, I would be a much happier person. I've learned that when everyone recognizes their responsibilities working together is much easier. Also through this group, I'm starting to slowly learn that we're all human. Whenever someone falls behind, a supportive teammate will help pick up the slack. I've learned to be a lot less rigid about things and to trust the work of others.
However! Team Vai Chuong (don't even know if i'm spelling my team name right) has been hands down FREAKING AMAZING. I'm so glad to be grouped with such supportive and thoughtful teammates. I feel that with our group, we make sure that we're first having fun before we get our work done, therefore we're a lot more relaxed when we go about with serious matters. While some interviews we conduct alone, we all try to present in as many of them as we can. When we do translations, we are together making sure that the translation is correct. There has never been a problem regarding whether or not someone has done more work then the other. This is the first group that I've been in where we have all done the same amount of AWESOME work (or so I think :P).
If all groups were like this, I would be a much happier person. I've learned that when everyone recognizes their responsibilities working together is much easier. Also through this group, I'm starting to slowly learn that we're all human. Whenever someone falls behind, a supportive teammate will help pick up the slack. I've learned to be a lot less rigid about things and to trust the work of others.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Where did the time go?
Memories of Orientation Week are still fresh in my mind like it was yesterday. Laying in my room in D8 I remember thinking, "Damn I have four months here." Little did I know how much I would love Vietnam so much. I can't even imagine going back to America and not seeing hundreds of motorbikes or a bia hoi on every corner. I can just see myself back in the states in my apartment crying like I'm going through some horrible break up. You are the ultimate bad boyfriend, you leave me crying while you continue your hustle and bustle HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME VIETNAMMMMM
There's still so much more of Hanoi to discover but so little time!!
But seriously, I gotta live it up until then. Every nook and cranny of Hanoi I will find you! :)
There's still so much more of Hanoi to discover but so little time!!
But seriously, I gotta live it up until then. Every nook and cranny of Hanoi I will find you! :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Missing Home
Recently for Viet Class our assignment was to write a letter home to our parents. While I have having the time of my life and learning so many things along the way, everywhere and everything that I do, I wonder how it would be like if my parents were here. I wonder how their lives would have been here if they had been able to stay in Vietnam. While there is about 2 months left of the program there are days that I wish I was home already. Being here for only such a short amount of time, I have already learned so much about my parents.
I remember an experience I had at Ha Long Bay. I was sitting at the dock of the boat reflecting about my time in Vietnam so far and I could help but think how was it that I be able to witness the beauty of Vietnam while my parents have not seen all that there is to Vietnam. Is this really fair? While I continue on with the next two months, I'll keep my parents in mind with hope that we'll be able to return to Vietnam one day to experience this together.
I remember an experience I had at Ha Long Bay. I was sitting at the dock of the boat reflecting about my time in Vietnam so far and I could help but think how was it that I be able to witness the beauty of Vietnam while my parents have not seen all that there is to Vietnam. Is this really fair? While I continue on with the next two months, I'll keep my parents in mind with hope that we'll be able to return to Vietnam one day to experience this together.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sa Pa
After an uncomfortable 12 hour ride to Sa Pa, we got off the train met with heavy rains. Of course this happens every single time we have a big trip I always leave the most important things back. WHY DIDN'T I CHECK THE FREAKING WEATHER? I packed two pair of shorts a pair of sweats and no sweater. It was a constant 50ish F degree. By the end of the trip, those sweats were pretty disgusting.
Arriving to Sa Pa I could see that it was an area that had been developed to accommodate to tourist. Lined were gift shops and restaurants that catered to all kinds of tastes. Hmong women followed tourist (not excluding us) telling them "Buy from me" while showing them different bracelets, earrings, bags, and other items. One moment that stood out to me was when Lena and I were at the market. As Lena was buying a scarf, a Hmong woman approached me and asked to buy some earrings. I told her no and started to look at the stand Lena was at when she says, "How can you buy those things that the Kinh took from us?" That right there took me by surprise and in many ways she was right. I ended up buying a pair of earrings from her but also troubled by her statement.
As the Hmong and other ethnic minorities are pushed further and further into the mountains (or forced to assimilate) how do they survive? In the case of Sa Pa, is it fair that their livelihood becomes dependent on this tourist economy?
Arriving to Sa Pa I could see that it was an area that had been developed to accommodate to tourist. Lined were gift shops and restaurants that catered to all kinds of tastes. Hmong women followed tourist (not excluding us) telling them "Buy from me" while showing them different bracelets, earrings, bags, and other items. One moment that stood out to me was when Lena and I were at the market. As Lena was buying a scarf, a Hmong woman approached me and asked to buy some earrings. I told her no and started to look at the stand Lena was at when she says, "How can you buy those things that the Kinh took from us?" That right there took me by surprise and in many ways she was right. I ended up buying a pair of earrings from her but also troubled by her statement.
As the Hmong and other ethnic minorities are pushed further and further into the mountains (or forced to assimilate) how do they survive? In the case of Sa Pa, is it fair that their livelihood becomes dependent on this tourist economy?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
1000 Year Anniversary
I remember in September the group wanted to plan our trip to Sa Pa.
"Which dates should we choose?"
"Lets go during the 1000th year anniversary, I heard school was cancelled"
"No thats a bad idea, that week is going to be amazing!"
The excitement that we had for this week was met with a lukewarm reception. The streets of Old Quarter was extremely packed. People to people, motorbike to motobike, it was suffocating. Walking around Ho Hoan Kiem for one night was enough. It was just too much for me. However that one night I did walk around, I saw people of all ages, families, the elderly, teens, all walking around smiling taking pictures wearing "I Love Ha Noi" T shirts. While I know that the city has invested a ridiculous amount of money into this week and there has been many criticism on the money spent, how can money be placed on the pride Hanoians had that week of celebration?
"Which dates should we choose?"
"Lets go during the 1000th year anniversary, I heard school was cancelled"
"No thats a bad idea, that week is going to be amazing!"
The excitement that we had for this week was met with a lukewarm reception. The streets of Old Quarter was extremely packed. People to people, motorbike to motobike, it was suffocating. Walking around Ho Hoan Kiem for one night was enough. It was just too much for me. However that one night I did walk around, I saw people of all ages, families, the elderly, teens, all walking around smiling taking pictures wearing "I Love Ha Noi" T shirts. While I know that the city has invested a ridiculous amount of money into this week and there has been many criticism on the money spent, how can money be placed on the pride Hanoians had that week of celebration?
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