Reaching the End

"Whats that smell?" I asked Kristine when we arrived in Hanoi.
"Its the smell of Vietnam" she answered.
"o_O"

As soon as she said that a million more question came into my head. "Can I really do this?" "Will I get homesick" "What did I get myself into? "Why is it so damn hot?!" These questions were answered as I familiarized myself with the streets of Hanoi, made sure to webcam my parents every week and slathered on hella sunblock.

Less than 10 days left in the program, it really feels as if I had just gotten out of the airport blinked and here I am writing my last blog.  What happened?  I can't even start to comprehend the last 4 months.  My brain wants to melt out of my head and onto the floor because it is just in awe "did i really experience all this in 4 months?"  Laughing in the early morning with my roommates to staying out late at night almost until the shops open again, what can i make use of these 4 months?  Living 21 years of my life in America, how does a period of 4 months stand up to anything?  I feel like its a dream and now its time for me to wake up.  When will I see my project group again?  When's the next Kiem An interivew?  When's the next bia hoi dinner? When will be the next time EAP will be together again? What scares and saddens me the most is that I already know the answers to these questions, I'm just too afraid to admit it out loud.  I can't return to this as easily as I want to.

What troubles me is that this experience was like me going full force in everything but I feel unable to grasp onto anything. I'm not done yet, I can't leave now! Can I cut out Hanoi and implant it in my backyard please? Returning back to the states I'll have to eat indoors, pay for expensive beer, and remain within the lanes.  How do I take Vietnam back with me? A bunch of souvenirs? What I can take back is the memories and experiences with my friends, HANU and EAP.  I've met some of the kindest, warmest, quirkiest, beautiful people here.  Coming back to America, I know that I will forever continue sharing with my fellow EAPers and friends back at home.

I've given my whole heart to this program and Vietnam opened its arms graciously to me.  It taught me things I never knew, allow me to reconnect with my family, challenged me, made me check my privileges, and in the end helped me find myself.

I will miss most the conversations, the laughs, the random spurts of "holy shit i'm in vietnam," and the beautiful faces. 

Thank you

Southern Trip, Reflections on Family

The trip to the south had a different feel to me.  Gerard left half through the trip :( so a lot of the activities we did on our own.

When we were in Saigon, I did get a chance to meet up with my family.  Before coming to Vietnam, everyone, including myself, was extremely excited to meet their family, and a couple of the EAPers were able to.  When Irene or Lan came back from their Hue telling us about the stories their relatives told them, or just their interactions with them I couldn't help but be jealous.  I couldn't wait to my relatives.  Upon arriving to Saigon, my mom called me instructing me to call my uncle.  I did so and at 4pm I left to go visit my Uncle his mom and the rest of the family.

It's strange that even though I've never met them in my life (well apparently I did but i can't remember) I was so comfortable like it was at though I was back at home. As I entered the house and I saw my grandfather's family portrait (a picture of each of the 9 brothers and sisters) I immediately started crying.  I could see my uncle and aunt out of the corner of my eye going "what the hell is wrong with this girl" but in my mind this was a step closer to understating my family and myself, something that in the states I had ignored for so many years of my life.

A funny moment was when I met my grandpa older brother who was blind.  Nervously I approached him and he pulls me over and says, "why the hell did you have to wait until i was blind before you came to vietnam? how am i supposed to know what you look like"  Crying and laughing at the same time, I didn't know what to do but continue crying out of happiness and joy.  Again my relatives looked at me thinking, "what are we supposed to do with this girl?" haha

We were in Saigon for 3 full days and everyday I went to visit them.  On the last night, my uncle treated me and a few friends to probably the best dinner I've had in Vietnam. Overall, Im truly touched by the power of family.  Being welcomed so quickly by everyone in Saigon was such a beautiful feeling this warm fuzzy feeling.

Also, I was able to meet a lot of my mom's and aunt's old friends.  They told me little fun stories of how my mom used to skip school or how they would love going shopping in the Ben Thanh Market.  I thought about my mom's journey to America and leaving all that she loved behind, all that she was used to.  Coming to America, unable to speak english, working 7-7 barely able to see her daughters before they went to sleep, I wonder if she longed to be back in Saigon.  What if I were raised in Saigon in Vietnam?  The strength my mother has in her heart is something that I wish I had.

Visiting my family in Saigon was something that I knew I needed to do, but did not realize the extent of how I would be affected by it. Isn't it strange that it is when I am the furthest away from my parents is when I feel closest to them? 

Team Work!

Ever since I was young, I hated group work mainly because I was always the one who ended up doing most of the work.  Either my group mates were unable to do their part or I was unsatisfied with their work so I ended up doing the entire thing, most of the time it was the latter statement.

However! Team Vai Chuong (don't even know if i'm spelling my team name right) has been hands down FREAKING AMAZING.  I'm so glad to be grouped with such supportive and thoughtful teammates.  I feel that with our group, we make sure that we're first having fun before we get our work done, therefore we're a lot more relaxed when we go about with serious matters.  While some interviews we conduct alone, we all try to present in as many of them as we can.  When we do translations, we are together making sure that the translation is correct.  There has never been a problem regarding whether or not someone has done more work then the other.  This is the first group that I've been in where we have all done the same amount of AWESOME work (or so I think :P). 

If all groups were like this, I would be a much happier person.  I've learned that when everyone recognizes their responsibilities working together is much easier.  Also through this group, I'm starting to slowly learn that we're all human.  Whenever someone falls behind, a supportive teammate will help pick up the slack.  I've learned to be a lot less rigid about things and to trust the work of others.

Where did the time go?

Memories of Orientation Week are still fresh in my mind like it was yesterday.  Laying in my room in D8 I remember thinking, "Damn I have four months here." Little did I know how much I would love Vietnam so much.  I can't even imagine going back to America and not seeing hundreds of motorbikes or a bia hoi on every corner.  I can just see myself back in the states in my apartment crying like I'm going through some horrible break up. You are the ultimate bad boyfriend, you leave me crying while you continue your hustle and bustle HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME VIETNAMMMMM

There's still so much more of Hanoi to discover but so little time!!


But seriously, I gotta live it up until then.  Every nook and cranny of Hanoi I will find you! :)

Missing Home

Recently for Viet Class our assignment was to write a letter home to our parents.  While I have having the time of my life and learning so many things along the way, everywhere and everything that I do, I wonder how it would be like if my parents were here. I wonder how their lives would have been here if they had been able to stay in Vietnam. While there is about 2 months left of the program there are days that I wish I was home already.  Being here for only such a short amount of time, I have already learned so much about my parents.

I remember an experience I had at Ha Long Bay. I was sitting at the dock of the boat reflecting about my time in Vietnam so far and I could help but think how was it that I be able to witness the beauty of Vietnam while my parents have not seen all that there is to Vietnam.  Is this really fair? While I continue on with the next two months, I'll keep my parents in mind with hope that we'll be able to return to Vietnam one day to experience this together.

Sa Pa

After an uncomfortable 12 hour ride to Sa Pa, we got off the train met with heavy rains.  Of course this happens every single time we have a big trip I always leave the most important things back.  WHY DIDN'T I CHECK THE FREAKING WEATHER?  I packed two pair of shorts a pair of sweats and no sweater.  It was a constant 50ish F degree. By the end of the trip, those sweats were pretty disgusting.

Arriving to Sa Pa I could see that it was an area that had been developed to accommodate to tourist.  Lined were gift shops and restaurants that catered to all kinds of tastes.  Hmong women followed tourist (not excluding us) telling them "Buy from me" while showing them different bracelets, earrings, bags, and other items.  One moment that stood out to me was when Lena and I were at the market.  As Lena was buying a scarf, a Hmong woman approached me and asked to buy some earrings.  I told her no and started to look at the stand Lena was at when she says, "How can you buy those things that the Kinh took from us?" That right there took me by surprise and in many ways she was right.  I ended up buying a pair of earrings from her but also troubled by her statement.

As the Hmong and other ethnic minorities are pushed further and further into the mountains (or forced to assimilate) how do they survive?  In the case of Sa Pa, is it fair that their livelihood becomes dependent on this tourist economy?

1000 Year Anniversary

I remember in September the group wanted to plan our trip to Sa Pa.

"Which dates should we choose?"
"Lets go during the 1000th year anniversary, I heard school was cancelled"
"No thats a bad idea, that week is going to be amazing!"

The excitement that we had for this week was met with a lukewarm reception.  The streets of Old Quarter was extremely packed.  People to people, motorbike to motobike, it was suffocating.  Walking around Ho Hoan Kiem for one night was enough.  It was just too much for me. However that one night I did walk around, I saw people of all ages, families, the elderly, teens, all walking around smiling taking pictures wearing "I Love Ha Noi" T shirts. While I know that the city has invested a ridiculous amount of money into this week and there has been many criticism on the money spent, how can money be placed on the pride Hanoians had that week of celebration?

Rice Harvesting

Waking up at 6 am on a Sunday Monday, to be honest I was not looking forward to rice harvesting.  As we pulled up to the village and walked over to the rice fields and then learned that we had to deal with the rain that had come a couple days before, my feelings stayed pretty much the same.  Grabbing our sickle and placing our feet into the mud all I could think about was returning to my bed. But as I started cutting and once I started to get the hang of cutting the rice stalks, I became more comfortable and in some ways quite relaxed.  After 3 hours, we finished and was rewarded by an awesome lunch cooked by our friends :).  The work was hard but in the end I felt quite proud of what our group accomplished.

Thinking about the work we did, I learned that normally four women do it instead of the 24 and how much they each earned per 720 sq feet. While I cannot say that I understand the life of those who harvest life, I have gain a deeper understanding and appreciation about where my rice comes from. Now I get the reasons why my parents tell me to eat every grain of rice in the bowl.

Central VN

It was like sensory overload. Beautiful scenery and people, amazing food, very little horn honking…etc.  Drinking endless amounts of sua dau nanh in Quy Nhon to tasting over ten dishes in one night in Hue, our trip to Central Vietnam was certainly something I will never forget.

Before going on the trip, somehow somewhere the perception in my mind of the central was just fields and squatter toilets, after a nauseating train ride to Quy Nhon, my expectations were not high.  But as we drove further away from the bus station and closer to the beach, I could tell this was not the countryside I was depicting in my head.  We stayed at a wonderful hotel and each room had a view of the beautiful beach. Quy Nhon was a quiet little town, with some streets lined with drink vendors and others with coffee shops and small food shops.

To contrast our stay in Quy Nhon we stayed in an ethnic minority village for a night in a Bahnar Village.  The walk to the village was long (over 2 hours! I'm not ashamed to admit I am a city girl, been too spoiled by urban development) however the walk was beautiful.  Luscious green fields and strong brown mountains helped the walk a lot easier.  Yet even in the village, if not already expected, we were catered.  Our night was short and at night it was very festive (will never forget Anh Khoi).  Before leaving the village, I learned that a child had died in the village and the people were in mourning.  I felt like as tourist we, in a way, came stomping in expecting them to show them to entertain us even when there was a tragedy in their village.  Why in many ways do we have the ability to change their course of daily life? (Instead of tending to the family, they were forced to sing with us at night?)


After the Bahnar Village, we left to Da Nang for 3 days.  In those three days, our group took trips to Hoi An and Cham Island.  Cham Island was paradise and time spent there was too short.  The entire island looked like a Corona's commercial (the one where people are chilling on their hammock looking out to a beautiful blue ocean).  I had to sometimes pinch myself and ask "HOW DID I GET TO BE AT THIS AMAZING PLACE?"


Our last stop was in Hue which I completely just drooled over.  The town was infused with such a liveliness that I don't see when I'm in Hanoi.  Walking down the street, as cheesy as it sounds, I always had a smile on my face. 

Looking back we were definitely living the good life.  While I talk and ask about the development, isn't it tourist and foreigners like me that enjoying these things?  I am frustrated by the process of development in the Central and Vietnam in general, but I can imagine that the next time I return to this country, wouldn't I be utilizing what development has to offer me?  (Staying in nice hotels, visiting tourist attractions)

While this trip in many ways felt like a vacation, traveling within the cities and between the cities, I could not help but think about development, especially in Da Nang.  After 8 hour ride from Quy Nhon, our bus was greeted with empty land slots sold to developers.  What used to be public was now privately owned spaces waiting for resorts to be built on top of them.  Signs like “This is Luxury Living” and “World Class Five Star Resort” greeted us.  Entering Da Nang, the city itself was also filled with construction sites for hotels.  As these places becoming more and more popular, I wonder who the development is actually for? Is it to accommodate foreign interest (tourism)?  And what type of citizen is Vietnam attempting to mold and present to the world?  At the same time, while I am conflicted by what I see, I wonder whether it’s a part of me that romanticizes Vietnam as something that it used to be and it is me who is not accepting of this change

The Blues

After being here for a month in Vietnam I can see myself already growing comfortable with my daily routine.  As the work load piles on I stay indoors more and more frequently.  With my transportation mode of only taxi or bus and from what it seems like the entire city shutting down around 11pm, I hate to say it but I feel like my life in Vietnam revolves only within the university. I honestly love my surroundings but I can't help but yearn for that feeling of being able to just get into a car and just go. To where I dont know, but to just go whenever I feel like it. 

I also need to reconsider my conception of time here.  At home, everyone wakes up late and all the activities occur during the night time.  In Vietnam it's the complete opposite, the city is awake early in the morning, and I am missing so much by staying in my bed at that time.  I need to make an effort to adjust my awake/sleeping time to Vietnam's.

What I am frustrated with the most at myself is that I can't help but feel muted here. Everywhere I go I can half understand whats going on and I'm too afraid to venture out into the streets of Hanoi alone.  Maybe its because I'm still in a new surrounding and still feel unsure, I need to remember my goals here is to "Be Brave."  But at times the feeling of knowing that I'll be understood is just so reassuring, something that I haven't felt since I've been here.

Trung Yên

This week our group took a trip to Trung Yen, one of the more developed areas of Vietnam.  Lining the streets were not food vendors but rather banks.  Businessmen walked the empty streets and sidewalk was readily available to be walked on.  Palm trees lined the surrounding area and the apartments were definitely styled in a different way.  No longer were the cramped side by side, but were spacious and large. Sometimes while walking around I felt as if I was walking in my own neighborhood back in the States only to be reminded that I was still in Vietnam when Ngan or Dung had to pull me to the side to avoid getting hit by a car -___-;

When we started to look for the items on the list, we noticed that, unlike Den Bach Ma, everything was more spread out. We were unable to find a lot of things on the list (place to buy rice, fresh vegetables, knife sharpener...) but comparing this area to DBA, Trung Yen doesn't allow for any of these things to be available.  What I thought was nice about the area was that it had a nice public park for everyone to enjoy.  There were kids running around, to teens playing tennis and badminton, and older people walking around the perimeter of the park. 

Not by a tourist attraction, Trung Yen is a lot more calm and relaxed. I don't know if I can see myself living here just because the life pace is a little slower but it does look like a great spot to retire in.

Đền Bạch Mã

Our group was assigned to go to Đền Bạch Mã.  Nestled in Old Quarters, this area was somewhat familiar to me (some of us were actually at Club JAM two nights before). Because of its proximity to Old Quarters, Đền Bạch Mã had most and almost everything on the list, besides the tree space.  Everything was within walking distance and even though it did not have a market of its own, about two blocks up on Thanh Hà street there was a market selling almost every good imaginable.  A block down from Đền Bạch Mã is Ta Hiện and Lương Ngọc Quyẽn where there are bars, Bia Hoi, and dancing clubs.  Due to this, Đền Bạch Mã and the area around it is very tourist heavy.  The streets were lined with restaurants and soveniour shops.  On Hang Buom, there a lot of tourist agencies to cater to that.  Traffic was heavy throughout the entire time we were there (5-7pm).

Of all the times I've been to Old Quarters, this was the first time where I was able to fully be aware of where I was and absorb all that the area had to offer. It was nice walking around without a real destination to go to and just simply exploring.  But at the same time I think I enjoyed more the time spent with my project group to really think critically about my surroundings.

Would I live here?  Considering my age I find this place to be in the center of everything that I need. There's always people around and the streets just feel alive. As I get older, I don't think this would be a place I would want to retire in though.

:)