"Whats that smell?" I asked Kristine when we arrived in Hanoi.
"Its the smell of Vietnam" she answered.
"o_O"
As soon as she said that a million more question came into my head. "Can I really do this?" "Will I get homesick" "What did I get myself into? "Why is it so damn hot?!" These questions were answered as I familiarized myself with the streets of Hanoi, made sure to webcam my parents every week and slathered on hella sunblock.
Less than 10 days left in the program, it really feels as if I had just gotten out of the airport blinked and here I am writing my last blog. What happened? I can't even start to comprehend the last 4 months. My brain wants to melt out of my head and onto the floor because it is just in awe "did i really experience all this in 4 months?" Laughing in the early morning with my roommates to staying out late at night almost until the shops open again, what can i make use of these 4 months? Living 21 years of my life in America, how does a period of 4 months stand up to anything? I feel like its a dream and now its time for me to wake up. When will I see my project group again? When's the next Kiem An interivew? When's the next bia hoi dinner? When will be the next time EAP will be together again? What scares and saddens me the most is that I already know the answers to these questions, I'm just too afraid to admit it out loud. I can't return to this as easily as I want to.
What troubles me is that this experience was like me going full force in everything but I feel unable to grasp onto anything. I'm not done yet, I can't leave now! Can I cut out Hanoi and implant it in my backyard please? Returning back to the states I'll have to eat indoors, pay for expensive beer, and remain within the lanes. How do I take Vietnam back with me? A bunch of souvenirs? What I can take back is the memories and experiences with my friends, HANU and EAP. I've met some of the kindest, warmest, quirkiest, beautiful people here. Coming back to America, I know that I will forever continue sharing with my fellow EAPers and friends back at home.
I've given my whole heart to this program and Vietnam opened its arms graciously to me. It taught me things I never knew, allow me to reconnect with my family, challenged me, made me check my privileges, and in the end helped me find myself.
I will miss most the conversations, the laughs, the random spurts of "holy shit i'm in vietnam," and the beautiful faces.
Thank you
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Southern Trip, Reflections on Family
The trip to the south had a different feel to me. Gerard left half through the trip :( so a lot of the activities we did on our own.
When we were in Saigon, I did get a chance to meet up with my family. Before coming to Vietnam, everyone, including myself, was extremely excited to meet their family, and a couple of the EAPers were able to. When Irene or Lan came back from their Hue telling us about the stories their relatives told them, or just their interactions with them I couldn't help but be jealous. I couldn't wait to my relatives. Upon arriving to Saigon, my mom called me instructing me to call my uncle. I did so and at 4pm I left to go visit my Uncle his mom and the rest of the family.
It's strange that even though I've never met them in my life (well apparently I did but i can't remember) I was so comfortable like it was at though I was back at home. As I entered the house and I saw my grandfather's family portrait (a picture of each of the 9 brothers and sisters) I immediately started crying. I could see my uncle and aunt out of the corner of my eye going "what the hell is wrong with this girl" but in my mind this was a step closer to understating my family and myself, something that in the states I had ignored for so many years of my life.
A funny moment was when I met my grandpa older brother who was blind. Nervously I approached him and he pulls me over and says, "why the hell did you have to wait until i was blind before you came to vietnam? how am i supposed to know what you look like" Crying and laughing at the same time, I didn't know what to do but continue crying out of happiness and joy. Again my relatives looked at me thinking, "what are we supposed to do with this girl?" haha
We were in Saigon for 3 full days and everyday I went to visit them. On the last night, my uncle treated me and a few friends to probably the best dinner I've had in Vietnam. Overall, Im truly touched by the power of family. Being welcomed so quickly by everyone in Saigon was such a beautiful feeling this warm fuzzy feeling.
Also, I was able to meet a lot of my mom's and aunt's old friends. They told me little fun stories of how my mom used to skip school or how they would love going shopping in the Ben Thanh Market. I thought about my mom's journey to America and leaving all that she loved behind, all that she was used to. Coming to America, unable to speak english, working 7-7 barely able to see her daughters before they went to sleep, I wonder if she longed to be back in Saigon. What if I were raised in Saigon in Vietnam? The strength my mother has in her heart is something that I wish I had.
Visiting my family in Saigon was something that I knew I needed to do, but did not realize the extent of how I would be affected by it. Isn't it strange that it is when I am the furthest away from my parents is when I feel closest to them?
When we were in Saigon, I did get a chance to meet up with my family. Before coming to Vietnam, everyone, including myself, was extremely excited to meet their family, and a couple of the EAPers were able to. When Irene or Lan came back from their Hue telling us about the stories their relatives told them, or just their interactions with them I couldn't help but be jealous. I couldn't wait to my relatives. Upon arriving to Saigon, my mom called me instructing me to call my uncle. I did so and at 4pm I left to go visit my Uncle his mom and the rest of the family.
It's strange that even though I've never met them in my life (well apparently I did but i can't remember) I was so comfortable like it was at though I was back at home. As I entered the house and I saw my grandfather's family portrait (a picture of each of the 9 brothers and sisters) I immediately started crying. I could see my uncle and aunt out of the corner of my eye going "what the hell is wrong with this girl" but in my mind this was a step closer to understating my family and myself, something that in the states I had ignored for so many years of my life.
A funny moment was when I met my grandpa older brother who was blind. Nervously I approached him and he pulls me over and says, "why the hell did you have to wait until i was blind before you came to vietnam? how am i supposed to know what you look like" Crying and laughing at the same time, I didn't know what to do but continue crying out of happiness and joy. Again my relatives looked at me thinking, "what are we supposed to do with this girl?" haha
We were in Saigon for 3 full days and everyday I went to visit them. On the last night, my uncle treated me and a few friends to probably the best dinner I've had in Vietnam. Overall, Im truly touched by the power of family. Being welcomed so quickly by everyone in Saigon was such a beautiful feeling this warm fuzzy feeling.
Also, I was able to meet a lot of my mom's and aunt's old friends. They told me little fun stories of how my mom used to skip school or how they would love going shopping in the Ben Thanh Market. I thought about my mom's journey to America and leaving all that she loved behind, all that she was used to. Coming to America, unable to speak english, working 7-7 barely able to see her daughters before they went to sleep, I wonder if she longed to be back in Saigon. What if I were raised in Saigon in Vietnam? The strength my mother has in her heart is something that I wish I had.
Visiting my family in Saigon was something that I knew I needed to do, but did not realize the extent of how I would be affected by it. Isn't it strange that it is when I am the furthest away from my parents is when I feel closest to them?
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